This week, I was editing my book chapter entitled “Our Shared Wisdom,” where I relay nuggets of wisdom conveyed by the interviewees from my research on midlife women. Amidst all of their wonderful insights, one particular piece of advice lingered with me for days afterwards: “Stay the course.” The interviewee added, “Don’t give up on your kids.”
The context for this wisdom was her challenge of having a son with a substance abuse issue. His pattern of destruction, recovery, and relapse was recurring. On many occasions, she wanted to give up on her son. Though she had to let him navigate his life choices and its consequences, throughout it all, she never gave up hope. She stayed the course.
Though not as heart-wrenching as this woman’s story, my book-writing journey has absolutely been one of staying the course. Over the years, I have had months on end when I could not write a single word. I paused when I was overcome with grief after my parents and brother died. (I had to stay the course on grieving instead). I intermittently paused when I simmered in self-doubt, wondering if I had anything original to offer and, in confusion, about the book’s direction. But, I always returned to writing and, in fact, recently printed the first complete draft of my manuscript! It was an amazing reward for staying the course.
There are so many midlife passages that can be difficult to endure: our loved one’s decline, our physical decline, and grief, to name a few.
It can be tempting, and sometimes even necessary, to close our eyes, open up a bottle of wine (well maybe that’s not exactly necessary), and get lost in Netflix. But, when we return to reality, the difficulties will still be there. It is ultimately more liberating to face whatever is on our plates, and “stay the course.”
If you are wavering between “throwing in the towel” or “staying the course,” consider this:
- Ask yourself if this is something you truly want vs. something you “should want” or what someone else wants for you. One of the “gifts” of age is increasing authenticity and agency over our actions. If you want this, go for it! If not, drop it. Goals are seldom attainable, much more sustainable, if they are not truly yours.
- If it is your desire, consider what is getting in the way? This can be anything from practical limitations (i.e., skills or time) to internal barriers (i.e., self-doubt or fear). Use your resources to remove those obstacles.
- Keep your eye on the prize. Visualize the end result, see yourself getting there, and imagine how you would feel once you attain it. Keep that image in your back pocket as inspiration.